Hyderabad 6

A rather late start today at the ramble file. There's this funny scene in many comedy movies, where a strong man pus his palm on a little guy's head, and he keeps swinging and swinging. I can see myself doing just that. I gotta change something fundamental in my approach. Wonder what it is. RK anna said that recognizing the problems is the biggest step toward solving them. The problem is coming into focus, slowly. I'm snapping at it's heels, around the edges. Once I figure out how to tackle the strong guy, I'll be rushing faster than ever.

I wanted to write today, a couple of times. I cant remember what about, but it felt good at the moment. Oh, by the way, I got a call at 1:00 last night. You know who it was. 'I'm feeling low, I have no one else to call', she says. The next hour passed in self pity, sobbing and basically a full spectrum of sorrow from a very steady pessimistic viewpoint. I was glad to go back to sleep. Of course, she was reluctant to leave, even after 2:00. I think I'll switch my phone off tonight.

I reworked the story on the Osmania hospital today, according to another one published this morning on Niloufer. I think it fits the format boss asked for, but I'll try and give it another reading.

This is now two days later. The Osmania article fell flat on its face, then flipped over and landed on its chair with a thump. "I'm your reader, help me, don't torture me," was what boss had to say about the article. Wow.

I think I'm finally beginning to learn. Another oft heard phrase comes to mind – "put aside your ego if you want to learn." Well, since ordinary human beings cant simply put it aside, circumstances dot he job for them. The boss quite effectively decimated my ego with a few choice lines like the one in the previous paragraph. So now I'm taking a longer look at my circumstances. Changing the viewpoint, so to speak. I'm a fresher. I didn't try to hide this fact, even at the beginning, but now everyone knows it and it's been established. Like boss once confided, I have a one-month probation, by which time I'm supposed to be churning out stories like the rest of the gang. Tomorrow I will reach the two-week mark of the first month. I'm exactly one story old. Two weeks, 14 days. One story. Hmm……now, GG said my career's been made, I think. Made what? Made how? You know, logic dictates that I desire the month never to be over, but I'm awfully curious about the next phase. I can't see anything at all from where I'm standing right now. Where are the stories going to come from? Where?

I just had my lunch. After no breakfast, it was a welcome meal, but lunch brings with it its own horde of problems. I have to make two phone calls, neither of which will yield a story today. I'm so drowsy after that meal that I've decided against lunch in the future. I don't have a story for the day (again) and that in itself tenses me. So I'm really drowsy, I have this nagging feeling of something left undone and I'm tense about having no stories yet. I'm a glass of milk into which a slice of lemon has been thrown in. I'd better make those calls.

-Ananda