Hyderabad 10

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A year has passed. 2006 was a curious phase in my life. There weren't many things that happened that year, but the things that happened left very strong impressions. The year was blur of family. I probably spent more time with my family this year than in any other. Quite appropriate, considering this year will probably be the exact opposite.

The only problem is looking at yourself, the only solution, is looking at Him. I read Prabalji's father's book, and there was a part of the book that disturbed me. There was adultery, incest, casteism, atheism and whatnot, but in a monologue by an atheist, there was a line where he says, "Devotion or belief in God is crutch used by the weak who cannot handle life." It got me thinking about the nature of faith in general and doubting my faith in particular. Do I really use faith as a crutch? Does this faith make us week sometimes? Does it ever make us crumble and give in to fatalism? If we want something, do we pay more attention to how and how much to pray for it than the work we have to do to get it? Am I like that? How are surrender and fatalism different? I think it makes sense that when you believe in a higher power to provide you with something, you don't put in your all. It's human nature, to yield to support when we find it. I don't have the answer to this one. I do know that conscience is very helpful at these times. We will definitely know when we have not done our duty to the best of our ability. But we all know that it only takes practice of a couple of times to smother conscience. What if it stops warning us after the first few instances? Fortunately at this point, I don't intend to find the answer to that last question.

Good afternoon. I saw a corpse in a drainage canal today. Caught your attention, eh? The police suspect it was a drunk who fell over. The clothes he was wearing pegs him as an auto driver. He must have been in the water for hardly a few hours, judging from the extent of wrinkles on his feet and from the way his body was still pliable. Does rigor mortis set in even when the body is under water? That was the adventure today.

Prachi is in a damp mood today. No big reason, she doesn't have anything to work on right now, and its just one of those days when you don't wake up happy. She told me that she started smoking and drinking when she was 19, after a bad break up. She had started working by then. I had lunch, she had a smoke and things were better.

Prachi came to my cubicle and said something. It didn't register the first time, so she looked at me and said, "really". Alpha had summoned me to his lair. The tip of my hair went white. I was sure he was going o chew my head off. I had read and heard many gory tales of lethal encounters that had transpired in those very chambers. Prachi was shouted at just a couple of days ago. No wonder most minions are happy to work unnoticed. But perhaps the most unfortunate of these hapless employees is Srinivas. He is usually trapped with Alpha in the toilet, no place to run, no place to hide, and having to endure blood curdling interrogation about what he's been doing. Well, he has endured but he probably simpers in his sleep. So I had been summoned to that dark lair. With my head held high, clutching my notepad with my necrotic fingers, I took a deep breath and entered.

He asked me how I spent New Year's Eve, gave me a few leads to follow, a number to call, and asked me to tell him if there were any problems. That was it. Prachi was smirking like a cat.

Three weeks. The momentous day has come, and is going, going. Time doesn't run away or fly, it flows. You can see it happen everyday. It's not a single, compact entity to go away from you. It is like a river you're swimming in. It flows. When you're thrashing about in time, you don't bother about the flow of time. You are engrossed in your efforts and notice little else. Once in a while, not when you are free, but when you have a huge pile of work to do, try to stand still and observe. You will be amazed at how time flows, surely, steadily, inexorably forward. It gently pushes at you from behind, urging you to move. Do this too long and you might even start to panic. But try it, it's a thrilling experience. I'm sure very few of us have done this, you know. I mean, who would stand around when there's so much work to be done? That's the time to thrash about, to move forward and to dig into work like no time else.

There's something that I realised today. It is actually easier to get a rapport with girls than with guys. I know how this sounds, but this is purely contextual, so hear me out. Guys relate to what you did, how much you did and how well you did it. That's the basis of introduction. In a way, an introduction is half the induction, when you are pegged and your place in the pecking order is decided. Girls on the other hand don't mind hearing about who you are, where you're from, what you're interested in and so forth. And if you do have the brass tax, they're interested enough in that too. So when you haven't made a mark yet, it's really easy to warm up to the ladies in the workplace. I guess the simple fact is that in terms of conversation, girls enjoy a wider repertoire. In spite of being the gender that needs to cover a greater percentage of its anatomy, they have markedly fewer inhibitions in conversation. This is especially true of those who pursue professions. In this case, hitherto taboo topics are not anymore, and the mind-boggling range of eternal girl talk is still very much on the table. So a guy, or a girl, comfortable with his or her asexual status in a corporate background can very easily form a rapport with the girls in the office.
Now modern and smooth as all this may sound, the purpose of conversation has been the same always – connection. Every person needs to belong in some way in where he is put. This means that he has to form a gossamer-like link with the people of that place. Very simple things like a welcome glance when you enter (once in a while) make your day a good one to go through. Of course, in course of time, these things are taken for granted, but the initial ripple of acceptance is probably the strongest encouragement. I have known friends who wrote home about this. One day, the hostel is hell on earth and the very next day, things begin looking up, all because a regular waved and grinned when you spilled your food. We never left school, none of us did.

-Ananda